Are you really content?

As I find myself sitting here on the computer browsing, stressing about what I am going to do in a month or so, as my job at Schwan's is temporary. I keep searching pinterest for ideas and saying I need this and I want this but they aren't true needs. I just need to be content with what we have and realize how blessed I am. How some people don't have a tv/computer/phone let alone a house/husband/baby/car/heat. I might complain that I don't have many clothes that fit me anymore, but I do have clothes that will get me buy. I may not be content with the house we live in right now, but some people are living on the streets or going house to house.

 I need to realize GOD HAS THIS. God is in control of the situation and I need to let him be in control and not worry. 

It's hard though as we have finally found our house that we like but our house isn't sold yet, and I don't have a full time permanent job really destroys me and has me worrying. I just need to know that God has a plan, he is bigger than any problems I face and he will help us through it. 

We are fully starting a budget this week and that will help but it's hard I need self control. But we like to eat out some a lot I also like to buy things I think we need for the house and so hopefully this budget will help a lot! 

Circle Your Prayers

Yesterday in church, Pastor Grant told us to "Circle your life in prayer for God to Change" - they started to do this at the beginning of the month but I was either at children's church, or at Matt's parents - the goal was to write things down that you wanted God to change in your life and to watch throughout the month God work miracles. So I have wrote a couple down:

~ Cope with wedding - I pray that God can help me cope with how our wedding went and just be happy about it. Not be sad or mad about things that didn't happen. It has been 5 1/2 months and I still cry almost daily about things. This is a big topic at my next therapy session since we are getting the "bigger" things under control now.

~ Figure out daycare - I just pray that God will show me a way and answer about if daycare is my thing to do. In the past week I am believing God is working his ways. Will explain more at the end of the month!

~ Good/Healthy Pregnancy - I pray that my pregnancy will continue to be good and healthy. That our next appointment at the end of the month the baby will be healthy and growing good!

~ Family - Nothing hurts more then being torn in half between your own family, having to make decisions to make everyone happy. I just pray that God can mend our family back together. Matt and I are starting a family of our own and I just want nothing more then having our family back together.

~ Stress Free Month - I just pray God can ease my mind this month. That I not get worked up over little things or worry about money or anything that I just believe in him and trust in him. So far it's going good!

~ Emotions - I pray that I can keep my emotions under control. All my mind does is run run run...I just need a break sometimes. I cry over the littlest things and it's not even stress or fights it's just looking back into the past or little things said to me.

--I am so thankful for my therapist though. She really helps a lot and I am starting to do more things around the house to help Matt out. I really take him for granted some days. He does so much for me and my daycare. I just wish everyone could see how much he brutally does! --

Emotions

They say emotions get worse when you get pregnant and they are right. I cry almost everyday, sometimes only for a few minutes others for several of minutes and other times for hour(s). It can be about the littlest things or the biggest things. Here are a FEW of them...

-- It has been 4 months since our wedding -- and I still haven't got over the fact that I lost an amazing family for a year. We just started talking again recently and they were my second mom and dad. Their whole family was suppose to be in the wedding until we got in a fight and we were both to stubborn to talk it out.

-- It has been 4 months since our wedding -- and I am still not satisfied with our photos. The photos we got were amazing, but I wish we would have gotten some individual photos with parents/the bottom for my shoes, and more of Matt and I.

-- It has been 4 months since our wedding -- and it still hurts a lot know my sister and her whole family backed out of our wedding 6 days before. They weren't there to witness the most important day in our life. And I'm not sure I will ever be able to get over this. 

-- It has been 4 months since our wedding -- and as I look at photos I realized how my mom was never in the room with me to get ready. It never hit me until yesterday. I'm having such a hard time with this. But it's things you can't change. 

-- Ellen -- I miss my Aunt Ellen more then I could ever imagine. I have so many questions that I want to ask her about daycare and life. And I just wish I could talk to her one more time. 

Enough crying for tonight hopefully.